Thursday, January 28, 2010

my mistake. i'm sorry.

aduhh ntah apela yang merasuk aku semalam. tetiba je hangin satu badan. and then i went on and said something unnecessary. tsk..

kisahnya begini, ada orang tu tulis dalam blog dia pasal 'somebody'. and aku terasa la yang somebody tu, aku. kalau, KALAU betullah orang aku yang dikatakan itu, aku naik angin la pasal dia mengulas pasal something that i wrote (bukan pasal dia pun. although aku memang pernah tulis pasal dia dalam blog aku) dalam tahun lepas. and perkara yang aku tulis/cerita tu pun ialah perkara yang berlaku many,many years ago. it's not even relevant now.

but ok fine, i said some bad things so it's fine la kalau dia nak kutuk aku pasal tu. i totally deserved that.

tapi yang aku tak tahan tu when she's implying that I'm a negative person. dari dulu hingga sekarang. and possibly in the future. and adalah some other stuff that she wrote yang umpama mencurahkan minyak ke api.

*weh tadi aku dah tenang tetiba darah naik balik plak. i'm gonna take five*

i said to myself many times yang i couldn't be bothered with what some 'random' people say, regardless of what it is. random as in someone yang bukan kenal ko sangat pun. alah cuma kat blog je kan bukan real world pun. tak payah la nak serious sangat...

tapi tu la aku dah terbakar plak semalam. hari ni aku teringat plak lagi satu perkara yang aku selalu bagitau diri sendiri (see, i don't need anybody to tell me. I'M FINE BY MYSELF), if i can say bad things about people, it'll only be fair IF they are also allowed to do so.

i shouldn't have snapped like that. so it's MY MISTAKE and I'M SORRY. i will be careful from now on supaya aku tak tulis perkara-perkara yang bakal menimbulkan kontroversi (seriously guys, no politic? not even environment?) pada masa-masa akan datang. and kalau aku boleh tambah, lainkali KEEP YOUR OPINION TO YOURSELF. like i always do. kau ingat ko sorang je yang bila baca blog orang lain timbul rasa tak puas hati, or menyampah, or benci? aku ada jugak tapi aku rileks je. setakat ko baca apa yang orang tulis tu tak bermakna kau dah kenal dia luar dalam. and tak bermakna kau lebih baik dari dia. kau simpan baik-baik pendapat kau yang mulia tu and ko apply la kat diri sendiri.

kalau aku boleh guna ayat kau balik, i would say "DO NOT SIMPLY JUMP TO CONCLUSION". people's life is not as simple as yours. definitely.


Your Honour, i rest my case.



p/s: aku cuma nak peluang untuk bela diri.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

are you mad because i've blogged about you?

BLOGGING IS ADDICTIVE

aku sudah ber-blog di blogspot dari tahun 2007 lagi. ntah bila aku nak bosan aku pun tak tau. blogging ni seronok bukannya apa, it's like a diary yang tak berapa nak rahsia. yang semua orang pun boleh baca (unless you keep in private la). tapi of course since it's not really a diary, and since everyone pun boleh baca, kau tak boleh nak tulis semuanya yang kau nak tulis. you have to be careful sebab kau tak tau siapa yang bakal baca. it might be the one yang kau cerita dalam blog, orang yang kau tak suka, orang yang ada masaalah dengan kau, ORANG YANG MENCARI KESALAHAN KAU, etc etc. hehe.


I'M NO ANGEL

aku mengaku aku bukannya baik pun. banyak jugak aku menghentam orang dalam blog aku ni. but you have to know, A BLOG IS JUST A BLOG. it's not your heart. while it's true that i mostly wrote what i felt at that particular moment, it's very hard to convey my exact feeling in it. always. because a human heart, MY heart is not a book that you can read cover to cover. it is NOT something in black and white.

plus, it changes over time.


as for me, there's always something in between that i would like to keep to myself. some hidden truth/lies like...


i may have hate you in the past, but that doesn't mean i hate you NOW.

i may have like you NOW, but that doesn't mean i don't hate you in the past.


FEELING CHANGE. i don't hate the person i hate 5 years, 10 years, 15 years back. i may have a grudge against them THEN, but i could care less about it NOW. sure i wrote about them in the present time. but you know what, i wrote about them 5 years, 10 years, 15 years back in my diaries. when i WAS angry. blog doesn't exist then. I'm not angry now. i was just re-creating the moment. any writer would do the same.

but you wouldn't understand. you think that i am a bitter person. you think I'm still hung up over what happened in the past. and you think I'll be bitter the rest of my life.

you don't know the half of me, darling. it's a shame that with so little thing you knew about me, you decided that you knew me. YOU DON'T. you are not me. you think you understand me but you don't. there are things that only YOU know because you've been through it. this is one of them.

you're not in my shoes so how can you possibly know?

people are fundamentally different. just because i don't do the things you THOUGHT right, it doesn't mean I'm wrong. it just mean I'm different than you. i do things MY way. you do yours YOUR way. i won't judge you, so don't judge me.


ALTER EGO

a blog is just a blog. it's an alter ego. it's the manifestation of your heart, but it's not your heart. not really. DON'T GET CAUGHT IN IT. if you do, you lose.



p/s: you think i am unforgiving? you are wrong. BECAUSE I FORGIVE YOU. and if i wrote something about you that pissed you off, i apologized. it wasn't meant for you to read but you did so I'm sorry. but if you wanna retaliate, feel free to do so in your blog. i won't held it against you.