Saturday, March 19, 2011

judge me if you must, but i'm in trouble..

kisahnya begini, masa aku mula-mula masuk kerja, ada lah sedikit expectation yang aku akan bertemu jodoh di sini. ye lah, i didn't meet my 'one & only' masa belajar dulu kan. bajet masa kerja boleh cari la *laughing at myself*. tapi bila aku usha-usha, hampeh. there's not that many MALAY guys around. Banyaknya Chinese (pasal the owner is Chinese). yang Melayu tu pun, pakcik-pakcik. so no, takde harapan la nak cari pakwe ke ape. I'm doomed :-((

there's this Chinese guy that i thought pretty cute. but i poked around & found out that he has a gf (and a mysterious past relationship/friendship with a Malay colleague). so i let go. wah kenot play with fire la. dangerous!

it's been a few months now. and my life has been pretty normal. recently, just recently, he (that Chinese guy) started to came by my office more often. yes, memang dia datang sebab dia ada urusan dengan supervisor aku. but sambil tu, sikit-sikit he started to flirt with me. it started small but now it's escalating. dia macam bergurau tau but gurauan dia memang semacam. tak tau la sebab dia bukan melayu ke jadi gurauan dia macam janggal. i mean, orang lain pun selalu jugak bergurau dengan aku, Chinese jugak, but not like him. aku memang layan tak layan la (selalunya buat donno je) but still, he didn't stop. makin menjadi-jadi ada la!

so one day he asked for my number. yang sebenarnya aku memang tak nak bagi. tapi bila dia cakap, nak kawan-kawan saja & work related, i fell for it. takkan tak nak bagi kut nanti dia ingat kita perasan dia nak mengurat kita. and my work did involve him. he started texting & believe me, it's not about work. memula tu macam harmless la jugak so aku layan la. i am a pretty lonely soul after all *haha*. almaklumla kawan-kawan jauh. kawan-kawan baru mostly older @ younger. but he's about my age & i kinda miss having friend around my age. plus, he did has a reputation as a nice guy. there's no reason to doubt him, isn't it?

but when he started to talk about falling in love, i have reason to doubt him now, haven't i? kalau dia cakap he's fallen in love with me takpe jugak kan. but he's hinting that I AM THE ONE who's fallen in love with him. apekah? permainan apekah ini? sedangkan yang keep texting me, calling me, talking to me, is him. kenapa jadi terbalik pulak?

him : dpt rasakan u sdh jatuh cinta pd i. haha~

aku : perasan :-P i x senang jatuh cinta la. plus i x kacau bf orang. i orang baik tau...

him : tahu~ mungkin u sdh jatuh cinta pd i u sendiri pun tak tahu :-P

aku : .........*mati akal*


ok tolak semua tu ke tepi. to be honest, i do like him. like A LOT. because i've liked him before semua perkara aneh ini berlaku. and kalau la aku tak mengingatkan diri sendiri yang dia dah ada awek, i would totally, definitely fall for him. but all I'm doing now, all i can do, is dodging him wherever i go. and pretending not to see him, which I'm an expert ;-) but he's always there. Always. watching me, provoking me at every chance. I'm seriously going crazy over here.

the thing is, aku rasa benda ni berpunca dari aku tau. one day aku ada hantar satu document ni pada dia. he was sitting and aku berdiri depan meja dia. lepas dia sign document tu, he looked at me and smiled. i was a little stunned because i thought he was so cute. and then i smiled back. tapi senyuman aku tu was more like a smile of embarrassment (i almost laugh actually). at that moment, i was like an open book. he could totally read me.



well, I BET HE DID...


flirting with him is fun. tapi ada la jugak yang tak bestnya. sebab it is odd (if not uncomfortable) working with someone you see...err... romantically. lagi satu, he lacked in communication. with Mr.J (my previous crush), the conversation we had was more witty, enjoyable (for me, at least). tapi dengan dia ni, i need to be careful with my words sebab he doesn't really understand Malay that much. or English. so aku kena buat ayat yang sepadan dengan peguasaan Bahasa dia. bukankah itu kurang menyeronokkan?

and so i'm troubled. as i tweeted...



sebagai peng-akhiran....





yes i'm in troubled.. but I'm gonna enjoy this trouble till it last (^_^)